I'm Only Sleeping

There is little that is more frustrating to me than...

2009-05-27T15:24:00.002-04:00

to have people assume that I don't care about things simply because I don't outwardly show it or because I "phase into zombie mode" when I'm stressed out. Or because I'm perpetually tired and don't feel the need to put enthusiasm into what I'm saying or doing.

Literally, every person I've talked to in the last half week has at least implied this to me. Now is not the time.

In other news, Nashville is mediocre. If I can manage to come up with enough money for a passport/airfare/visa, I would like to do some traveling overseas with a bit of company for W.W.O.O.F. I'm aiming to do this at the end of our lease--quite simply because it may be the very last chance I have while I'm still young. In the next few years, I will be so busy with an apprenticeship, piercing, dedicating myself to becoming the best in the modification industry, then on having a family, then opening a business, then pushing that business to be the best.

No rest, no rest.

"Come, sit down, we're lamenting...

2009-02-17T14:58:00.007-05:00

...about yesterday's sad ending, 'bout the water in me whiskey, the brass passed off as gold--'another round'-- we're descending into old time mem'ry, of a day when wood was wooden, silver, silver, gold was gold, sweet home was home."

I've known for a long time that I don't handle change well. Some of you reading this are aware of many times I've taken the 'scenic route' when driving somewhere because I'm used to a certain road. I have horrible anxiety when I take a route I'm unfamiliar with. I was raised to be very cautious. Leaving my comfort zone makes it difficult to be cautious, I don't know what I'm looking for! Well, I'm moving 561 miles away from everything I know in 3 days. If I really let my mind delve into the thought of it...I get very lightheaded...dizzy...sick feeling. Fortunately, I'm so busy getting ready for the actual move, I don't have much time to think about it at all. Instead, I'm just exhausted.

Oh, and apparently pigs can fly because something I deemed impossible definitely happened. Holy mother of god.

I suppose this blog has just turned into a psychological journey. Seeing what happens when I force myself to do things I am (and always have been) petrified of doing. Leaving everything, starting over. And I thought that training myself to remain breathing and to not scream when I encounter a spider was difficult. HA!

I'm all "grown up" and it's time to get a move on in my life. I have an apprenticeship to find and finish. I have a professional career to build. I have a business to start. Employees to hire. A family to start and raise. Panic to set it! Haha. At the same time, though, I also have books to read, music to listen to, people to meet, a city to explore and someone to care for and to care for me in return. Those are the kinds of comforting thoughts that I try to remind myself of when I start getting overwhelmed.

Hate to say it, but I'm going to miss Mac's Bar. And Espresso Royale. East Lansing in the summertime. Climing the Ledges in Grand Ledge. Climbing beneath the traintracks behind Denny's at night with some friends while the train passes overhead. Going on walks with a friend when it's 75 degrees out, starting in the middle of E.L. and just wandering until we get lost, then finding our way back 2 hours later. Working at the most awesome job ever. Monday nights at Necto. The Trumbullplex. The house shows at the Good Time Gang house. The parties after Bermuda Mohawk shows at the Cancer House. Even House of Our Lord (1994). And Basement 414. Stobers. Busking in the summer. Rocky Horror Picture Show at the Sun Theater around Halloween. Corey's birthday/Carrie's birthday/New Years at the Dome. Truck's New Year's speeches. Watching band practices in Tony's basement.

-sigh-

Granted, I have lots of boring days in Michigan, and I'm really not getting anywhere here, and summer only lasts about 2 months...I'm going to miss those 2 months like nobody's business.

There's lots more to add to this entry, but it's the end of my 3rd to last shift at work ever. And now I'm off to spend time with Vee. Then Carrie and Jill. Then dye my hair. Then do my laundry. Oy vey.

Holy stressed out -twitch-

2009-02-10T12:13:00.002-05:00

Soooo much going on lately. Where do I begin?

Let's just make a list of reasons as to why I'm stressed out. I'm making this post for me, I apologize for the rant!

1) I only have a few days left in Michigan. I've been bugging people to hang out for the past month. Suddenly, the last week I'm here, everyone wants to do stuff.

2) That wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have a ton of things to do this week already. Like 2 months worth of laundry...cleaning out the abyss (my car)...working until the last day I'm here...job hunting...lots of legal stuff...bluh.

3) The few people I have said my 'good-bye's to-well, those hang outs made it really sink in that I'm leaving, and although I'm excited to move, it was extremely depressing. I didn't realize how much I'm going to miss some of the things here. You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone!

4) Some friends of mine turned out to royally suck. They would decide to do this right before I leave. -facepalm-

5) For anyone else that doesn't know, well, let me explain. I have Low Serotonin Syndrome. This causes a whole slewww of issues. Serotonin causes your body to function properly (for a lack of better words). When under stress, serotonin is supposed to kick in to keep you relatively sane and feeling fine. I lack serotonin, so when I'm under stress, I start getting physically ill, have bad headaches, fatigue (or insomnia, it varies), and I have trouble remembering things that I should NOT be forgetting (Working, eating, etc). Stuuupiiid.

6) I need to come up with $300 for rent by the 28th or as close to that amount as possible. I also told James that I'll pay for utilities while I'm jobless in TN. Simply because I know that the job situation is causes problems for them down in TN, and seeing as I have SOME funds left, I thought I'd help out. I know it'll come back to me eventually, but for right now, I really can't afford it...so...when I get there, I'll be almost completely broke. Lovely.

7) I wouldn't be so bent out of shape about it if my computer's charger didn't die last night. Made it to Best Buy 20 minutes before they closed and threw away almost $100.

8) All of these 'hang outs' I'm having with the exception of one is going to cost me money. I'm not happy about that.

9) I was planning on going to TN with $1000. Then $700. Then $500. Minus $300. That's $200. I need my tax returns to come back to me ASAP. -whimper-

10) I want to find a retail job that will let me keep all of my piercings in. I bought retainers for them just incase I have serious trouble finding a place to work...I have a feeling I'll be wearing those stupid piercing retainers.

11) I won't have a car when I'm there. Nor will I have a bike when I get there. So...my job opportunities better be within a 3 mile radius of the apartment.

12) I. hate. change.

13) I need a few hundred dollars to fall from the sky and it's never going to happen.

14) I have a choir audition the first week I get to TN. Holy. Crap. Normally I wouldn't be bothered because I've worked with a vast majority of the directors in the Michigan area. None of the directors in TN have any idea what I've done. My sight reading ability has reached a record low. -nervous-

Anyway...yeah, I just needed to get that out there. If I seem a bit snippy lately, that's why.

"The pen is far mightier than the sword," he said.

2009-01-18T12:37:00.002-05:00

As I logged into Myspace this morning, the front page featured Paul Booth, world renowned tattoo artist and owner of Last Rites Tattoo Theatre in NYC. Getting sidetracked as per usual on the internet, I checked out the video. I followed this by visiting the Last Rites website. Although my expertise will be in piercing and suspension, these artists have only reaffirmed my inspiration and dedication to the modification industry. Slowly but surely, the not-so-professional shops (Nicely put) are being weeded out. Since I became passionate about piercing about 5 years ago, I've seen groups like the Association of Professional Piercers (the A.P.P.) and instructors Kris LaChance and David Vidra with Health Educators, Inc. bring a refreshing glow to the industry.

Most of you reading this are more than well aware of the economic situation in Michigan (and nationwide). This has directly affected my ability to succeed here. I have high hopes for Nashville. With an array of music, studios, record shops and colleges, it's a haven for those interested in what I hope to soon offer.

P.S. All of you who have never been pierced before--I plan on piercing you all :) It's my life goal, and it will happen! -devious face-

"...150 mph sideways and 500 feet down, at the same time."

2009-01-15T15:57:00.001-05:00

This blog exists to note my adventures, my ideas, my goals, and everything I'm fond of. I like to think that I'm a pretty unique individual as far as my interests and goals go, so perhaps I can expose a few people to things they have yet to discover.

My main goal is to expand the new light that has been shed upon the body modification industry. Unfortunately, a good percentage of people in the U.S. have yet to embrace it. Slowly but surely, this has been changing--and I want to be a part of that. Due to the mistake that was the 1980's, there is a stereotype on tattoos and piercings that causes some folks to cringe at the thought. Diseases, infections, "basement" ink and "D.I.Y." piercings...all are things produced by the uneducated. The Association of Professional Piercers, as well as Health Educators, Inc. have been working hard to stomp out the studios and "artists" that continue to burn the potential of a good reputation.

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In other news, I'm moving to Tennessee on February 22nd! This is a big step. It's awfully stressful and a bit nerve-wrecking, but in the long run, I know this will be good for me. There's lots of packing to be done, lots of adjusting, lots of 'See ya later!''s (No 'Good-bye''s, I don't like those.). It's all very overwhelming, but my long term best friend (...and now "boyfriend." Weird, huh? Trust me, it's a good thing. Even at +500 miles away, he still takes good care of me and keeps me happy.) is doing everything he can to make this as problem-free and comfortable as possible. Although, in this process, I do have to learn how to cook. Look at what I have to compete with! I mean...no pressure. -Eye roll-. Every time I fail miserably at trying to cook something, I try to recall the BBQ spaghetti story. It makes me feel better, hah. (However, I'm pretty sure I outdid that at the age of 4 when I made my mom Peppered Pop Tarts for breakfast. Mmm....)

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I accidentally made the perfect playlist for my life today. If anyone wants to get a feel for what kind of person I am, download these songs and listen to them on repeat while driving. (And by "download," I meant purchase each individual album, add them to your iTunes and listen to them one-by-one because I never pirate music, ever.):

1) The Beatles, "Blackbird"
2) The Beatles, "I'm Only Sleeping"
3) The Beatles, "Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da"
4) The Beatles, "I've Just Seen a Face"
5) Bonnie Prince Billy, "Love Comes to Me"
6) Mozart, "Lacrimosa"
7) The Ryans, "Basement Studio"
8) Mischief Brew, "Coffee, God and Cigarettes"
9) Mischief Brew, "Boycott Me!"
10) Mischief Brew, "Rambler's Ghost"
11) Foo Fighters, "The Pretender"
12) Jamie Lidell, "A Little Bit of Feel Good"
12) Jamie Lidell, "Game For Fools"
13) Johnny Cash, "Five Feet High and Rising"
14) Arlo Guthrie, "The Motorcycle Song"
15) The Doors, "Love Me Two Times"
16) Dan Le Sac VS. Scroobius Pip, "Thou Shalt Always Kill"
17) Dan Le Sac VS. Scroobius Pip, "1000 Words"
18) The Charlie Daniels Band, "The Devil Went Down to Georgia"

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"That's all I have to say about that,"

P.S. Hi mom! : p