I've known for a long time that I don't handle change well. Some of you reading this are aware of many times I've taken the 'scenic route' when driving somewhere because I'm used to a certain road. I have horrible anxiety when I take a route I'm unfamiliar with. I was raised to be very cautious. Leaving my comfort zone makes it difficult to be cautious, I don't know what I'm looking for! Well, I'm moving 561 miles away from everything I know in 3 days. If I really let my mind delve into the thought of it...I get very lightheaded...dizzy...sick feeling. Fortunately, I'm so busy getting ready for the actual move, I don't have much time to think about it at all. Instead, I'm just exhausted.
Oh, and apparently pigs can fly because something I deemed impossible definitely happened. Holy mother of god.
I suppose this blog has just turned into a psychological journey. Seeing what happens when I force myself to do things I am (and always have been) petrified of doing. Leaving everything, starting over. And I thought that training myself to remain breathing and to not scream when I encounter a spider was difficult. HA!
I'm all "grown up" and it's time to get a move on in my life. I have an apprenticeship to find and finish. I have a professional career to build. I have a business to start. Employees to hire. A family to start and raise. Panic to set it! Haha. At the same time, though, I also have books to read, music to listen to, people to meet, a city to explore and someone to care for and to care for me in return. Those are the kinds of comforting thoughts that I try to remind myself of when I start getting overwhelmed.
Hate to say it, but I'm going to miss Mac's Bar. And Espresso Royale. East Lansing in the summertime. Climing the Ledges in Grand Ledge. Climbing beneath the traintracks behind Denny's at night with some friends while the train passes overhead. Going on walks with a friend when it's 75 degrees out, starting in the middle of E.L. and just wandering until we get lost, then finding our way back 2 hours later. Working at the most awesome job ever. Monday nights at Necto. The Trumbullplex. The house shows at the Good Time Gang house. The parties after Bermuda Mohawk shows at the Cancer House. Even House of Our Lord (1994). And Basement 414. Stobers. Busking in the summer. Rocky Horror Picture Show at the Sun Theater around Halloween. Corey's birthday/Carrie's birthday/New Years at the Dome. Truck's New Year's speeches. Watching band practices in Tony's basement.
-sigh-
Granted, I have lots of boring days in Michigan, and I'm really not getting anywhere here, and summer only lasts about 2 months...I'm going to miss those 2 months like nobody's business.
There's lots more to add to this entry, but it's the end of my 3rd to last shift at work ever. And now I'm off to spend time with Vee. Then Carrie and Jill. Then dye my hair. Then do my laundry. Oy vey.
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I just started crying again when i read this. I love you. Always will. And I will always be here. And I hope some day when i decide to move that somehow our paths are close enough to each other that maybe we can raise our kids together and sit in your kitchen drinking tea and talking about that one time.....at that one place....and then laugh as hard as we always do together.